we were at the CEO's and office ho's party at an off campus house and I really needed to take a dump. The party was packed and there were lines at all the bathrooms so I could not relieve myself there. Luckily there was a construction site right on campus by the party with a "walk in dumpster." I thought, "what better place to take a dump than a DUMPster" LMAO hahahahaha . So it was there I went and to my surprise there was not a door OR A LOCK on said dumpster. Needless to say some passer-bys got a live demostration of feces extraction by a handsome male wearing a van huesan tie. OMG, LOL, JK, SWM.,,Can I have a signed book? ,,,,tastebud since '04

A dark, damp basement...freshman year. we all remember these. the night is coming to a close, my eyes as well. I find myself suddenly playing ping pong in a basemnt with "friends." these friends are strangers...i would meet some of them one day, strangers turn to friends at some point. i thought i could take on the world...oh i would learn quick.

So this one time I went out to he bar with ###, %%%, $$$ and @@@...needless to say we got absolutely rocked. Obviously we bring back the drunkest dirtiest whore to our apartnemt. At the time we thought she was gorgeous. As soon as we get back to the apartment We all approach this girl with cock swinging...like mosquitos onto shit or $$$ near a fresh line of coke...As @@@ starts getting head and the drunk females hands playing around with myself i notice $$$ with a half full bud light bottle also ### with a empty turned over laundry basket on his head pretending to sleep. $$$ grins at me and turns to the dumb bitch and says "spread em" keep in mind ### keeps inching his chair closer to the action with laundry basket in tow. Some disgusting and truly unspeakable things happen with that bud light bottle. amdidst the mayhem %%% is creeply sittin in the corner watching all the action.. when all of a sudden the chick freaks and demands %%% out of the room. we all died laughing and kicked him out...he put up a decent fight to try and stay and watch the action but none the less he was gone. that is the story of "Bud Light Bottle Girl" known only to a select few....

Murph was the type of guy that you wanted around during a fight. When egos and bravado clashed at the local pub, I always felt more confident knowing that my 6 foot 2, two hundred and twenty-five pound roommate was near. Not only was Murph a dominating physical specimen, but there was also a frightening dimension of irrationality to him, an almost animal-like quality. He was his high school?s championship lacrosse goalie. Any person who embraces the idea of a lacrosse ball being hurled at their face and crotch going 100+ miles per hour is most certainly irrational. He was either irrational or completely impervious to pain; I?m still not sure which. I once watched him eat an entire bowl of scalding hot seafood chowder in less than a minute and a half. ,,Much like an animal, Murph had a preference for over-abundance. When he ate, he ate excessively. When he drank, he drank aggressively. When he smoked, he smoked routinely. When he loved, he loved hard. On one particular occasion, Murph?s girlfriend, Liz, came to visit from a far-away college and they had not seen each other for about two months. He was really looking forward to her visit. I knew this because in the days leading up to her arrival, Murph kept reciting a low-toned mantra, loud enough to be heard but directed at no one in particular: ?can?t wait to hook up with Liz, can?t wait to hook up with Liz.? Liz arrived early that Friday afternoon following a long journey from Western Mass. From the moment she arrived, her and Murph were attracted to each other like magnets. They spoke about 6 inches away from each other?s face and kissing interrupted entire sentences for what seemed like hours. To prevent the risk of vomit stains on our dorm room rug, I suggested that me, Murph, Liz, and our other roommate Jay take my girlfriend?s car to get sandwiches at the local delicatessen. Liz looked famished and, hell, we could all use another meal between lunch and dinner. We arrived at the deli and as Jay and I stepped up to order, Murph and Liz, still inseparable, stood towards the back of the line, continuing to coo at one another and blatantly making out in public. The kiss-noises were so frequent and boisterous I was beginning to think that food ingestion was a bad idea. As my nausea was reaching its peak, a voice rang out from behind the counter: ?hey buddy, cut that shit out! What do you think this is a nightclub? This is Jersey Mike?s for Christ?s sakes.? Thank you for saying what I could not, large Jersey Mike?s employee with forearm tattoo of Jessica Rabbit. Murph and Liz promptly cut that shit out?for a time. ,,That night, I decided to make it a low-key evening by catching up on some Fifa 2005. Murph, on the other hand, had planned to show Liz a good time by taking her out to some local bars with Jay and some other friends. Immersed in an intense exhibition match versus Manchester United, I was momentarily distracted by a heard of loud voices and shuffling outside my door. Not more than 2 hours since he had left, Murph came blasting through the door like Kosmo Kramer. His face was mangled and bloodied; his shirt was un-tucked, unbuttoned, and a blood-soaked stain ran from top to bottom. ?What the fuck happened to you?? I said. ?I got punched? he replied. ?You got punched?! Are you OK?? ?I?m fine,? he said. I was unable to tell if he was visibly bewildered from the fight or if he was just piss drunk. ?What happened?? I asked. He started. ?I was coming home from the bar and Liz and I were walking along the sidewalk when these guys started yelling at us from a second floor porch. I looked at them, they looked at me, and Liz and I kept walking. All of the sudden, two guys run down from the house and start pushing me. Then one of them punched me in the face. As I?m falling backwards I grab the guy?s shirt and use it to pull myself closer to him and I blast him right in the face. He goes down hard, I hit him real good. Then another huge mother fucker comes out from the house and we start booking it up the street. The whole thing was unprovoked.? ?Unprovoked?? I exclaimed, still shocked at what just transpired. ?Unprovoked? Murph confirms, as confident as ever. Looking closer at his bruised face and bloody shirt I say, ?Holy shit man, I can?t believe that happened to you.? Liz walks into the room, clearly shaken up with wet, blood-shot eyes. As Murph rifles through the room looking for a towel and soap to take a shower, I step outside to talk to Jay and the others who witnessed the event wanting to get their take on it. ?So some guys just came outta no where and beat the shit out of Murph, huh?? I said. ?Outta no where?!? Jay shouts. ?Is that what he told you?? ?Yea? I reply, ?he said it was unprovoked.? ?What a bullshitter! Here?s what happened. Murph and Liz both got really fucked up at the bar and were stumbling up the street. They?re making out, grabbing and touching each other, they?re basically stopping to dry hump outside each house we pass. If you thought they were bad sober, then you should see them when they?re liquored up. So they stumble up to this one house and these guys start yelling from the second floor porch, ?hey slut, get a room! Enough already!? So Murph walks directly onto their front lawn and starts flipping them off, screaming ?fuck you!? at the top of his lungs. Then, in slow motion for dramatic effect, he proceeds to stroke an imaginary 3-foot dick coming out of his pants and shouts ?jerk?me?off! Why don?t ya just jerk?me?off!? That?s when a whole slew of guys came down to beat the shit out of him.? Hysterical I say, ?Wow, why am I not surprised!? Still laughing, I walked back to my room to find the door locked. Murph had returned from the shower while I was in the hall listening to the story. Upon closer inspection, I could hear what sounded like Liz getting acquainted with Murph?s imaginary 3-foot dick. ,

don't know if this is a funniest story ever or the most embarrassing story ever... but here's how it went... So I brought my college girlfriend home with me for a weekend to meet my parents. Everything was going well until late at night just before we were going to bed she went into the bathroom to brush her teeth and get ready for bed. She didn't turn on the light in the bathroom so that she wouldn't wake anyone up. ,,As she was brushing her teeth my father walked into the bathroom. He had his hearing aids out so he couldn't hear my girlfriend at the sink, and he didn't turn on the light so he wouldn't wake anyone up. My girlfriend goes on brushing her teeth not thinking anything of the person walking by her to go to the bathroom because she thought it was me.,,Here is where the story gets funny. My father is sitting on the pot for a few minutes now and my girlfriend has finished getting ready for bed. She walks over to my father(who she thinks is me) and says "are you ready for bed" and puts her hand on his head while he is sitting on the pot. She said she felt a bald head and heard him say "####!, what are you doing"... she ran out of the bathroom in complete shock. It took her about ten minutes to get the story out of her mouth to me because she couldn't believe what had happened.,,Everyone in my family could not stop laughing the next day when they heard about the story. I still laugh about that story six years later.,,

I'll never forget the time on St. Patty's day where the party got so out of control, that at one point, people were lighting fireworks off INSIDE the house. There were also a series of small fires being lit inside cooking pots. As time passed, people began to start smashing bar stools and other furniture like it was a WWE event. Too bad it was my house, but you'll never experience times like those outside of college.

Walling,,Main Entry: Walling,Pronunciation: \Wha-'el-ing\,Function: verb,Date: 2006,intransitive verb,,1 : to slam against a surface,2 : to sink into a knee high surface,3 : the act of wrestling one onto a wall

My collegiate stories could go on for days, and most of them may be a tad inappropriate even for this site...The one that stands out is the classic tale of a car and a deer. Those who know me are well aware of this now legendary night. I will have to shorten this tale, because it is not the same when you don't have the four participants present to do it the full justice it deserves, for it was a forever life changing experience. I am sure it started with a lot of drinking and probably some herbal help, but that is all irrelevant. The four of us were in a white mustang looking for whoops. A whoop is a good jump that if you drive over it fast enough, the car will get some minor air, and all those present will probably yell whooooooo or something along those lines. ### decided at a stop sign, that if we followed his directions we would find a magnificent set of whoops, which of course after several rights and lefts we stood at the top of a double black diamond whoop hill. We hit this hill head on and we all screaming accordingly, when I think I saw it first, but this may be disputable. I was in the front passenger seat and all i saw was it's eyes, and then felt the seat belt tighten and my stomach drop. We had plowed a deer and almost crashed into a tree. The deer had hit the side of the car and was carried for a bit before being spit out the back, taking a lot of paint with him. After the four of us were done making sure we were still alive, the decided notion was to check on the deer. This was done hastily as it began bucking about and trying to walk on what was once four legs. A man suddenly appeared from a neighboring house and seemed quite interested in our plight. He was the common Willimantic, CT resident, a couple of teeth, and half a bottle of Jack Daniels away from being totally drunk. He inquired about the accident, and we waited for the cops. Within 5 minutes we had another local drive up and offer to get his gun and put the flopping deer out of its misery, we decided to let the cops handle it and sheepishly walked away from this ever to excited hurt deer hunting psycho. Finally the officer arrived and decided to put the thing out of it's misery. This toothless Willimantic wonder said he had no objections but asked politely if the officer could say loudly that animal control was coming to save it, for his wife was quite the animal lover. Before he had a chance to respond a shrieking woman was heard,obviously our toothless hero's wife, and the man ran inside. The cop slowly made his way to the deer, just as an elderly woman was driving up there road right to him, he slowly motioned her to stop, and proceeded to pull a massive shotgun out of his trunk, don't ask me why he didn't let her pass through, but before we had a chance to catch our breath he shot that deer right in the face, there was something poetic about the shot taking place under the flickering light a a sole street lamp. The next moment is one I shall always remember for one of my buddies, you know who you are stated, "He's gonna shoot it again" before I had the chance to quash this notion the police officer pumped a round again right into the chest of this now definitely dead animal. Right as this shooting spree ended, the bickering going on between the husband and wife had come to a climax, because she was packing her shit and leaving. She was a BIG animal lover I guess. Well the cop then offered us to keep the deer, and after much deliberation we declined. This night had been enough:a ruined car, a traumatized old lady and a ruined marriage, not a bad days work I suppose. The deer was covered in a blue tarp and we went our way home, excited to tell this remarkable tale to the first person we saw. Of course the night was not even close to over, and we ventured out later to catch a glimpse of "our" deer one more time, only when we got there all that was left was the blue tarp. The now separated toothless man had must have finally gotten to eat meat.,

My roommate finally took a girl he'd been hooking up with on a date after months of her asking. When they got back she told me that they went to the Wendy's drive through.... and she paid.